Hmm… Interesting

5 01 2011

The up is over, at least that’s what I’m starting to think (I really should have stuck with logging my moods). Had a good day, snowboarding for the first time in years, something which always puts me into a really zen kinda place, and just chilling out etc. But did I feel happy? No, not really, it was alright but not anything to go ‘Yay!’ about. This wasn’t because I didn’t enjoy it, I did, I just… I dunno, wasn’t in a good mood.

Could this be down to me not getting the requisite sleep (going to bed at about 6am is probably not the best thing to be doing), or simply just life being life and not being much fun? I dunno, but it’s certainly something to watch develop.

Perhaps I’m over analysing things, I know sometimes I think to much and so I should probably stop… although to be fair this blog, at least at the moment, is about me trying to put down into words what I’m going through so the thoughts don’t float around my head repeating themselves ad nauseum.To that end I’ll get what I’m thinking out of my head and at least that’ll be that taken care of.

So, I think I’m now into a bit of a down as I know I levelled off and am not having a fun time now. This may be lack of sleep so I’ll know tomorrow whether or not things have gone that way or this really is a cycle. Is this all significant? Well, yes in a way, because the thing is that my narcissism is based around me loathing myself and whilst there has been the occasional slip up, there hasn’t been anything to really affect the flow, as it were, of non self loathing. It’s still very early days but things are looking promising




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