Booooorn Freeeeee…..

8 02 2011

as free as the wind bloooooooows. And lets face it, we quite enjoy the freedom that we remember from our past.

I know I’m not alone in the bipolar community (yes, there’s a community, we have badges and secret handshakes and everything) when I say that there’s part of the old life which I miss. Ok, not everything was coming up roses, let’s not get silly now, but there was some seriously fun times.

I dunno, I miss that, the depression I can live with, have for many many years, I just… miss the fun parts. This a mid life crisis or just part of bipolar or… something else? Good question really, I don’t know the answer if I’m honest. Hmm, being older I’m wiser, to a point (although I keep forgetting to proof read my ramblings so apologies for the typos etc), so I know back then I managed to make a huge amount of mistakes and messed people about, ran up debts, generally messed up. It was fun getting there though, and being older and a degree wiser I can look at my adventures a little rationally and look at doing it all over again yet with a little more sanity, if that’s the right word.

My girlfriend (yes, still have one, no idea why, she must be bored of me by now) will likely read this and see it as my way of saying that I want to be out of the relationship we’re in. Not so dear, not so, I won’t go into details here because, well it’s a blog, not appropriate

So, ass coverage completed, back to you oh reader, and then…? Perhaps I’m just not the kinda person who deals well with responsibility (bang goes my bid to be a father) or perhaps everyone misses it to some degree. I dunno, problem with me is that I’m not really capable of such an abstract piece of thinking, slightly bizarre as I’m pretty good at human behaviour although this is mostly instinctual stuff. No, no super powers, just something I’m alright at, apparently this is down to my narcissism, seeing people… differently, objectively as it were.

Ho hum, I best leave it there so I can figure something out for myself before I leave it out there for all to see. Till next time peeps.



3 responses

9 02 2011
Rachael Black

You rock. Enjoyed the post.
I suffered almost exclusively from the depression part, and only rarely with the mania. Although I PRAY for another occurrence so I’d lose some weight.

Sounds like your current ‘cocktail’ is working. As for responsibility…was a bad girl when in my 20’s and early 30’s. Had my daughter at 32 and it changed a lot.
Regrading my idea of responsibility. Not the weight.

Had been diagnosed as clinically depressed a few years before having my daughter -you never know kiddo! IT could happen-. Bi-Polar diagnosis was about the time my daughter was in grade school… Hmmm coincidence? I think not!

As for Super Powers? Yep. I have one. I am SARCASM WOMAN! Can piss off an entire room of family in only ONE sentence!

Go for it Null. Keep writing. Your stuff makes me think and helps keep me sane (as close as I can get)
Hell, my BF can’t be bothered to read my blog 😦
You’re DEF doing better hon.

9 02 2011

I rock? No you rock! Sorry, reminds me of a line from the film ‘Accepted’, but glad you’re enjoying the reading Rachael 🙂

‘Cocktail’ you say? I’m not into cocktails, bit of wine, bit of beer…. oh you meant meds cocktail didn’t you. Thing is, I’m med free and have been for several months now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stable as such but it’s managable for me. I’d like to have kids but I’m dubious about it ever happening for one reason or another which sucks but such is life.

As for your super power, like it, useful one to have, don’t forget that super villans like to monologue and being sarcastic would lead them to get frustrated and make mistakes. Many a superhero could learn from you grasshopper.

9 02 2011
Rachael Black

So, you’re med free? Dammit. Lucky bastard.
I’m on the Atkins diet (you know, the idiot who proclaimed that less carbs and nothing else would force your body into weight loss? And then he died of a heart attack and wasn;t even on his own diet).

Started to obsess on how many carbs were in the 20 meds and supplements (including glucosamine for arthritis and Fish oil for high blood pressure).
Started in on my obsession thang. Tore apart the medicine cabinet and realized that carbs are not listed on any of these lol.

Am thinking it’s time to give up the hellish diet -which is driving me to kill… I already drink (Gin which has no carbs!) and should just exercise more.
IF only it would quit freaking snowing. Grrrrr

Been on any med known, and this is the the best cocktail so far. And yes you’re right about what I meant.
Would give everything I have to be OFF all the meds.
Despise taking them all. I so envy you.
Go baby Go.

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