11 02 2011

Ok, it’s not normal for me to be writing another blog quite so soon, as hinted at in my last posting, I find it difficult to post every other day. So what’s up?

Well, acording to Pink I’m perfect, but then I like some of her songs, the others I find a bit too whiney, but that’s personal preference, each to their own and I’m pretty sure she’s a good person when it comes down to it. When it comes down to it, I’m not perfect but then who is? Good enough is the basic premise on which we live our lives. Am I good enough? In my eyes no, but then that’s part of my problem, I’m not good enough, I’m not where I should be.

Vote for me people, I’ll solve all your problems!

Yes, I’ve had something to drink, not much but then I’m a litghweight so it kinda evens out. Point being that don’t just chalk this up to randomness, although I do do a good sideline in that, it’s me using what I can to slow the thoughts racing through my head faster than F1 cars on nitrous.

I started this blog in the belief that I won’t live to see my 35th birthday (about 10 months away if you wanna keep count) and I now see that my life will extend past this point. Problem is that I don’t want it to. There is a matter of self image here, not matching up to what I want to be or believe I can be. Guess it’s all part of my bipolar and my narcissism. Oooh, as a sideline, it turns out that I could, in theory at least, become a psychopath although if that’s an accepted possibility then it’s also possible that I could become quite a prolific paedophile, how’s that for a double edged sword. Don’t particularly want to kill anything but I’d rather do that than to do whatever to children, there are limits now. Bending over a woman n spanking her ass, well that’s a different matter and I’m sure that some would take issue but as in the words of Cee Lo Green – Fuck You.

OK, so possibilities of where my personality type would go out of the way I have to admit that whilst I can now accept me living beyond the age of 34… I still don’t want to. The nightmare is real, me continuing to live, now aint that a kicker now. What the hell!? I dunno, it seems like I’m doomed continue this bullshit, espousing advice like some third rate buddha (I got the fat so why not) and hoping to make a difference whilst making a sum total of not a lot. Ok, I know I make a difference, I have been told that I do but for some reason, for me it isn’t enough. Why can’t I be happy with myself? Why must the granduer always pollute my thought stream and mean that I’m completely uselss in my own mind. And don’t forget that no matter what you say, this isn’t a democracy, it’s a dictatorship ruled by my brain. Now you know how the people in Egypt feel.

Ah bollocks to it, I’ve run out of red wine (Sonoma California based Pinot Noir, no bad but liking New Zealand version better) but still enjoying the buzz it’s giving me. For now hough I think I’ll leave things like that, spelling and grammatical errors et al.




3 responses

11 02 2011
Rachael Black

Hey babe spank me anytime. Did you know that in America a caning or play with spanking is considered utterly and unspeakably kinky?
Nipple play with a MAN is wrong.
dear god we are so repressed.
Well not all of us….

Keep on writing and keep my interest -and smile factor- up.

11 02 2011

Depends what part of the US you live in. Did have a friend who lived in Vegas n it was one of those things, you could lose your job if you acted in such a way, fortunately the one I knew in Philly didn’t have any such trouble 😉

11 02 2011
Rachael Black

And keep writing Null, the world would be a dull place without you and the ability to share with others suffering from depression and suicidal ideation. We can help keep each other alive.
And I DIG the Cee-Lo Green tune and video. Nice reference -grin-

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