Blog Lag

4 06 2011

I’ve been neglecting this blog a bit, only semi on purpose though. It’s a matter of forgetfulness and diverting some stuff to my writing whenever the feeling strikes. Guess I better make this worth your while then.

One thing that is common with me is that I’ll get my hopes up and then… well… it never comes off that way. Perhaps never is a minor exageration but the vast majority of times it’s the way of things. I’ve been like this for a long time, I’m better at dealing with it than I used to be but I still do it.

For quite a while now I don’t expect anything for my birthday or for christmas. If I expect then my hopes go up and a lot of the time I’m disappointed. So I expect nothing and so am not left disappointed regardless of what happens.

Ok, so you may think this is sad, I just accept it as what is. My way of coping. Unfortunately it’s very pervasive throughout my life and whilst I could affect apathy, this kinda would lead to a life where I do absolutely nothing. Not much of a change but I wouldn’t have the desire to die or anything.

Guess this is why I’m pretty intense at times. Why some of my relationships burn bright and last less time. I like the build up, far too much, and hate the execution. Bloody annoying is one way of putting it. Fucking murder would be how it can get.

And it harms me in a way because the disappointment leads to depression brought on firstly by the disappointment of it not achieving what I hoped for, and secondly by my hatred of myself for expecting to much… or anything. Least it feels that way.

I would like to live my life without this problem. Question is which part is the problem? The depression or the expectations?

If I knew that maybe I could work on it. I don’t know, perhaps it’s where my head is at the moment that means I’m having difficulty getting my head round it.

Where is my head at? Well currently in a french town typing this while in the background are some street musicians which have closed a street to do their thing. I’m assuming they have permission to do this but who know’s. They aren’t bad per se, but it’s in french so it’s not easy for me to fully appreciate.

Hmm, haven’t mentioned my travels for a little while so I should do a bit, just to keep you all enthralled.

The weather here continues to be very hot. Tres chaud. There ya go, apparently it’s been unusually hot for this time so even those who have been here a while are suffering a bit.

Those who know me will be wondering if there’s any belle femme pour moi en France. Yes, I’m a flirt. Stop looking shocked. The answer is a simple no. The French have an image where they have inate style and it’s common to look good. Got to admit this, along with many other things, is a clever bit of marketing on the side of the French as from what I’ve seen, there’s not much difference in numbers or quality. Actual style is a different matter but that’s the beauty of different cultures.

Back to perving and there’s not a huge amount about for me. give me time… or get me back in the UK.

Speaking of which, I’ve arranged my return to the UK, do a little touring there ad then… pass. In typical style I’ve yet to fill the intervening time but I’m working on it. one thing I’m thinking of doing to pass some time is visit this place which is a little expensive but I think as a way to spend an evening should give me value for money. I have to email them to see if there’s a dress code as turning up in trainers, t-shirt, and shorts may not go down too well.

Right, well for now, it’s adieu mon ami mai c’est pas probleme par ce que je promise un autre reponse pour ma blog. A bientôt.

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2 responses

5 06 2011
Turquoise

interesting question- expectations or the disappointment; one I grapple with. (what’s wrong with ‘overthinking’ or perfectionism?) I don’t want to give up on expectations/dreams or the planning stuff, but realisation is always a bummer. Think it kinda relates to consumerism- you get told you’ll be happy if you buy x new car; you go and get it and are excited for a bit and then realise perhaps it could have been better, and the fashions change, and you then get told you need a different new car, and you come to believe it, and yada yada. So on that basis, De Botton argues that it *is* expectations that’s the problem. Whether that translates to other types of attainment, I’m not sure. I think social philosophers would say it does.

well, bon chance. enjoy the crazy horse, but I reckon a bit of good old english burlesque would be classier…!

6 06 2011
nullfuture

Good points there. Not entirely sure about consumerism but then it’s possible to tie it in by using sustained media activity to raise the hopes and desires of the public and so the less they have the more they want things. Ok, I’m sure about consumerism in THAT vein lol but as regards to me… I suppose it’s very similar if not the same. Think for me either putting a cap on the height of my expectations is one way, or just not taking them too seriously would allow me to be gracious in defeat. Just have to teach myself to do it now (CBT anyone?). Thanks for your comment, it’s helped 🙂

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