Cynics Picnic

6 06 2011

Well get me. Barely anything for a while and now two days with blog posts.

Cor!

and indeed…

Blimey!

So what wonder and delight awaits inside? Hopefully not the wonder as in ‘wonder if it’s crap like the last one’. We shall see, I make no promises.

First off I forgot to say that this blog is now one year old. Yay! I managed to stick at something that promised no money or other such benefits for a year! Ok, slightly sarky, but no, really, this is quite an achievement for me. Normally things like this fall by the wayside and are in the long forgotten annals of history.

I won’t go all actress at the Oscars on you but thank you to all those who have read, and continue to read, this site. Your patience and interest still astounds me but c’est la vie. I’d like to thank God should he/she/it/they exist (it pays to hedge your bets sometimes), my parents for providing my genetic template and for raising me the way they did, not sure where I’d have been without that apart from the accident, they kept referring to me as, avoided. My siblings for showing me what I could have been. And those who have been on the right and then wrong end of my personality, the exes. Damn you guys dodged a bullet there.

Pass the tissues.

Hmm, was that a little… cynical of me in places? Didn’t want to come off as a bastard there, just wanted to say… I dunno.

When all is said and done, I sit here and remember one key thing for me…

I’d like to be a father.

Problem is that I doubt I’d be much cop as a dad, don’t seem to be terribly attuned to children full stop. I’ve mellowed a fair amount from my younger days to be fair, but I don’t think I’m a children type person. Probably for the best, having me as a father would fuck any kid up for life.

No, this line of thinking doesn’t make me happy but I think that when all is said and done, I have to get some of this anger, hate, and loathing out there in order to progress one way or another. I’m aware my family may be reading this and talking to others in the family about it. Something I’m used to, as well as burning bridges. What they think of me is something I know about very well and so whilst I care what they think, I don’t care.

Doesn’t make much sense but it’s the only way I can think to say it.

I think when I said to my mother that ‘I’d rather sleep on the street than at yours’ it kinda showed my feelings so anything else won’t come as a surprise. Yes I meant it. I care about my family, if you mess with them then it’s messing with me, and that ain’t on. But they don’t like me. And I can understand why. But then when push comes to shove, I know they’ll be there for me and I’ll be there for them. Although I doubt they’d have enough confidence in me to rely on me. Again, I can understand why. Doesn’t mean I like it, but it is what it is.

Well this has gone well hasn’t it. Maybe there’ll be something worth reading next time.

Worth hedging your bets on?

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2 responses

6 06 2011
lotte

There’s always something worth reading…or I and your other readers would not keep coming back for more. A year….that’s good….especially if you’re not one to stick at these sort of things. BTW I always like the title’s of your post…has me wondering what I’ll be reading about šŸ™‚

As for your family….I think a lot of our up bringings etc fuck us up in some way or another. It makes me sad to think that anyone could think they’ll be a crap parent……BUT I DO know where you are coming from….excpet mine’s in a reverse mode……all up to the last couple of years I thought I was the ‘best’ and most ‘wonderful’ mum going (and no Im not big headed) BUT now….well yeah i think the same….Im gonna fuck up this girls life……..anyway Im just saying sometimes maybe we dont do as bad a job as we think we are doing/or will do…..now Im just whittering on
x

10 06 2011
Rachael Black

Congratulations on the year!
Ah, understand about the family thing. One wrote a blog about my father’s death ad mentioned my sister and what I thought was hideous behavior. I mentioned her fame boobs. We have not spoken since. NO loss.
She was actually more pissed about the fake boobs being mentioned that what I said about her behavior at the death of my father.
I took it down because she became hysterical.
Then thought about it for a day and put it back up.
I’m with you Null.

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