Happy Anniversary…?

3 09 2011

So, today is the day. The second anniversary of my non-death.

Yes, it was two years today when the meds did their job, I woke up, and for some reason I decided it was the day to die.

As you can tell, I didn’t succeed in my attempt then, nor the several which followed. So as it’s been 730 days, what’s been going on? Do I have any hopes? Any regrets?

Well, let’s go for the “regrets” bit first because… well, it’s probably the easier of the lot. Do I have any regrets? It’s hard to say. I find it extremely difficult to regret either attempting or failing suicide as I have met some outstanding people since then. Ok, I’ve met some complete dicks but that’s not the point just yet. Also, I find it counter productive to dwell on regrets, done it so much in my life so I’m learning from experience for once. So I guess the answer has to be a grudging no, except for my dealings with the local constabulary.

I know I said about saying what’s happened in those two years but I think a quick flick through my blog will show that it’s been an adventure if nothing else. No real point in going over things again I think.

Moving along then, do I have any hopes? Hmm, a tough one this because, to be fair, I’m not exactly what you’d call stable right now. That doesn’t necessarily preclude any hopes but I’ll be damned if I can put any real coherence behind any of it.

All I know is that I want to help.

For now I’ll be honest and say this has no real form or direction, just random ideas. Ideas such as using this blog to be a platform for research to answer questions which actually matter to people with bipolar etc. Which may be a little more sane than trying to get sponsored to do about 1500 miles on foot in 10 weeks. Solo.

The next two years may, or may not, happen for me, I don’t know. There’s so many variables and so little stability that I couldn’t even begin. Plus it’s not healthy for me to do so at times. All I know is that I’d like to do anything to make the lives of those who follow, because follow they will, so much easier than mine has been, both recently and much further back. No idea how, but then that’s for another day or for suggestions.

Oh, by the way, the book? Hopefully released before the end of October. The subject? Well… just me exploring me. No, I doubt it’ll be a best seller either but it’s something I wanted to do and it’s helped so far. Ho hum, bye for now n much love to all.

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2 responses

3 09 2011
Pandora

Well, I for one am glad you’re still here 🙂

9 09 2011
Rachael Black

I’ll second that! Hell, I’ve fucked up 3 times. I do NOT allow guns in my house and attempt to throw away all non-used meds.
Congratulations Null!!

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