Hulk Smaaaash!

29 11 2011

Oh by jove will there be swearing, it may even make South Park look like something on CBeebies (NickJr in the US). Just thought you should know.

To say I’m angry would be… how shall I say… accurate yet I feel that people misunderstand me with how I view anger. Most times when people express that they believe I’m angry I correct them to say I’m annoyed, which is true. Anger is a lot more… hmm, hard to quantify it… more angry.

I’m able to be good natured at the moment but irritations get a more immediate reaction, annoyed will get a pause for a deep breath, angry means I’m far more prepared to go on the attack.

So what, you may ask, has made me angry? Well, as I write this, it’s a few hours into my detention under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act 1983 (England & Wales). Apparently I have a mental disorder and must stay in here till they find out what’s wrong with me and how they can help me. This should be a very short stay because the answers are already there.

What’s wrong with me? Simple, I have Bipolar 2 (disputed by everyone) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The latter has caused me immense amount of pain through the years, one way or another. How can they help me? Simple again, either let me kill myself or be nice and apply a syringe of Pheno-barbitol in a sufficient dosage.

Not exactly the kind of help I’m gonna get but where there’s a will, there’s a way.

What help will I get? Well, I get the feeling that condescencion and partonising will be agenda, people being forceful towards me, and a load of shit that I DO NOT WANT!

When it all comes down to it, everyone believes that my intent is bad. I see it as good and when push comes to shove, I don’t give a fuck about everyone else because the time has passed where it matters. I take responnsibility for my actions, I know offing myself isn’t conducive to everyones wellbeing but I can tell you now, I’m selfish as fuck, and I’ve hurt too much to give two flying fucks about whether this hurts people. Yes it sounds harsh to those who care about me but a) I can rationally explain my reasons to be allowed to die and b) I’m angry (and I’ve explained what that means).

Tomorrow I will be scheduled to see my psycuntyfuckingwankerist. It won’t change anything and I’m not particularly interested in “engaging” with him or the rest of the planks who will be there. Fuck. Makes me wonder what the fuck is the point of seeing the cock with his balls n pubes either side.

Again, I’m angry, and as a fictional character said before “You won’t like me when I’m angry”.

Tru dat.

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2 responses

30 11 2011
Rachael Black

Heh. and just a few weeks ago a shrunk told you that you were ‘cured’ of bi-polar.
Try to get some reading caught up (if you can -when my depression is really bad I can’t concentrate enough).
And you know what? I’m GLAD to see you angry 🙂 Beats apathetic any day. Keep me posted hon.

1 12 2011
Pandora

Fuck. I’m so sorry Null.

Wish I had something useful to say…but since I don’t, sending hugs to you mate. Sorry I’m late on this one too, maybe you’re out by now (I hope so), but either way, so sorry this happened 😦

Onto your next post…

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