Points Of View

9 12 2011

Yeah, here’s me sobering up in the wee small hours and the thoughts have died down a bit, but I find myself thinking the same damn thought: what’s the point?

What’s the point of me writing this blog? Ok, once in a while I write something that isn’t a complete waste of everybodys time but those moments are rare. Rest of the time? I just feel I just rob people of mental oxygen. Yes, you are less smart than you were when you began reading this and for that I apologise.

I used to be able to swim these waters of mentalism without much trouble but recently I find I’m treading water, struggling to keep my head above the surface. And it gets to me. It gets to me to the point where I wonder what the point is. And I feel like giving up.

So I give up. The promised book won’t arrive, this blog won’t be updated, I won’t be about. Because I give up, I’m tired of trying to find a point when, for me, there is no point. Sorry to have wasted your time. I just can’t do it any more.

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6 responses

9 12 2011
Pandora

You haven’t wasted my time. Stop blogging if you want – though I know I’ll miss you, and I’m sure I’m not alone – but don’t do so because you think readers find it useless or dull. We don’t! And even if we did (which, again, we don’t!), so what? The blog is not our property, and we have no automatic right to expect you to write a, b, c, blah blah. The blog is for you.

So yeah. If you go, I’ll miss your writing – but if it’s genuinely best for you, then go forth with good wishes. x

9 12 2011
theurbanworrier

Pan’s said it so well already. Me too.
and even if everything (or anything) you said *was* shite, (and it isn’t), it’s still worth reading to find out wassup in the world. i’d be disappointed if you weren’t posting, as I’ve got a lot from following your journey and particularly since you’ve passed a ‘die date’ I’d want to see where it goes next. but it’s *up to you*. good luck wherever it goes

10 12 2011
NullFuture

I’m sorry, think I’m misunderstood here. I give up because, for me, there is no point to anything. Sometimes I have thoughts of something better but it’s lighting a bad match, the flare of thought that extinguishes almost as quickly.

I can’t do it anymore because I struggle to think full stop. I can’t make sense in words of what I feel. There’s more to be said but I can’t express it. Closest I come is that it’s like I’ve died inside which sounds shit and inaccurate but it’s all I’ve got.

Sorry

10 12 2011
Rachael Black

Gonna go with all the above posters sweetie. Especially Pandora. You write for YOURSELF. And to give up is letting the demons win.
What meds are you on right now? Just curious about your current ‘cocktail.’
Fuck, my psychiatrist is an idiot. Need a major change in mine, especially since I’ve officially no friends after kicking the boyfriend out.
Feel your pain, cry every day, but have promised myself no more suicide attempts. Currently use the method of:making it to something I am looking forward to.. i.e. Burning Man, a concert, getting laid -grin-.
Good luck my friend. and you have NEVER wasted my time.

10 12 2011
NullFuture

No meds right now. Just waiting for psychology. Again. Just functioning. Just waiting for it all to end

10 12 2011
Rachael Black

Just a thought but you NEED to be on meds before you can even take advantage of therapy. If you are too depressed to care about life at all -oh I’ve been there- the meds can get you to the point where the psychology helps. that was what they were originally designed for. Not as a replacement for therapy and (if you are clinically depressed and no Bi-Polar or Schizophrenic) not to be taken forever with-out therapy.

I fucking HATE taking my meds, but without them I cannot function nor take anyone else’s suggestions under advisement.
And after a lot of years I’m on a lot LESS medication.
Know you’ve always avoided psych meds but I’m asking you (pretty please) to consider this.
~Your Bi-polar neurotic American Friend

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