Ranty Claus Is Coming To Town

21 12 2011

Yanno, I think it’s about time the doctors changed my diagnosis. I’d hate to think they were comfortable with whatever they think I have, I mean if I don’t keep them on their toes they might make more mistakes.

So what do we reckon I could pass for this time? Perhaps the favourite of all doctors who treat any female psychiatric patient ever. Oh yes, Borderline Personality Disorder, or in my case, Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Why? Because I have very little in the way emotional stability and keep getting upset for no real reason.

Ok, this isn’t really what BPD is about but hell, with doctors you just never know.

Do I seem like I’m ranting a bit? Hope so because I’m trying to get angry. Yeah, I know, sounds a bit messed up, I mean who would deliberately try to get angry? Hell, even the Hulk wouldn’t (although to be fair, considering the state of the world, he’d get angry anyway). My reasoning is that I am trying to employ one of the stronger emotions we possess, a core, animal instinct level emotion, because it will help stop the higher brain from being a complete git for a period of time and afford me some peace.

In theory I would do alright on meds but I’d much rather forgoe that and hit the bottle, least then I could add having some fun into the mix. Whatever, just hook up the red wine IV and leave me to it.

So what am I angry at? Myself mostly, because of who I am, because of all the bad things about me. I just… I can’t even begin to describe the self loathing. I…. fuck it, no point trying because this is all fucked up.

Much as I don’t want to be dead, someone just fucking shoot me now and put me out of my misery. Frontal lobotomy anyone? Tired of feeling



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