Confessions Of A Narcissistic Arsehole

16 01 2012

I didn’t set out to watch ‘Confessions Of A Sex Addict’ on BBC3, I was wasting time till something else came on TV. Can’t remember what it was that I was going to watch but that’s ok because I watched this program instead.

It may seem odd that I would be interested in a program about a stand-up comic coming to terms with his addiction and the 300+ women he’s slept with. But there are some very distinct similarities between his situation and mine. Am I a sex addict? Well… umm… kinda yeah. Anyway, I’m not going to get into the details of the shit I’ve been up to in my past. What I will say is that the whole vulnerability issue was very familiar.

This isn’t easy to talk about because no-one likes being vulnerable. As the kind of narcissistic arsehole I am/have been, I feel it hard. Exposing vulnerabilities gives you power over me and that scares the bejeebers outta me. Yeah, you may be the kind of person who wouldn’t dream of using any information for nefarious means but I can’t take that risk.

As you can tell, trust is not something I do easily. Guess that comes from my narcissism, and as I can’t trust, as how I appear is important to me and so I can be quite controlling within relationships. Hell, guess that’s why I’ve done some of the things I have which can be a lot of fun. Yet I do manage to screw things up, sometimes monumentally. I know what some of my former partners think of me and I really don’t like it because, in theory at least, I should be awesome, I shouldn’t be the guy who treated them like crap.

I guess, despite the fact that it’s frustrating in so many ways for me, it’s probably best that I’m single as I can’t screw women over. I’d still like to be a dad (yep, I wanna spread the mental) but as things stand, I’m not quite dad material, bit too mental to spread the mental just yet.

Hmm, maybe I should take out an advert, either ‘Sperm donor for hire’ or ‘Manwhore for hire, reasonable rates, satisfaction a possibility’ (not exactly inspiring but at least it’s honest).

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