Pole Position Thinking

4 02 2012

Ok, someone wanna tell me what the joke is? May seem like a shitty thing to say but today has been a little bit fucked up. Racing thoughts (ergo why I’m blogging) and a few little things that make me wonder if I’m missing the punchline or something Truman-esque is afoot.

Ok, making up early wasn’t as much fun as you’d think but then I kinda worked out I’d had about six hours which is not unreasonable for me. Dunno why I thought it was not enough sleep but there you go.

Thoughts occurred pretty quickly with regards to my weight and I thought about not eating and so I went about exactly that. A bit latter (as in a few hours) I got a phone call from my doctors to tell me that the results of my blood test were in and my cholesterol was high so my doctor would like me to start a med I’ve not heard of before. Got to admit that this caught me off guard as the bloods were ordered by the mental health team so what the point of cholesterol being high or not is beyond me. My confusion was compounded by the idea that my GP would prescribe me a med without talking to me about it. Not sure if this is normal or not but it seemed odd to me.

Anyway, my confusion about what was going on was made clear to whomever it was calling me, to which they offered another option of waiting a couple of months and then being tested again. This didn’t exactly satiate my confusion and said words to that effect. I was then asked if it had been a fasting test, to which I answered in the negative and this received the words “Ah right, well that might be the cause as your cholesterol is only slightly high”. The following idea was to look at doing another test yet make this a fasting one, as such they’ll write to me. Will I do it? No. Why not? Because the chances of me dying from slightly elevated cholesterol are fucking slim (unlike me) so why the hell should I? Were there a valid hypothesis about slightly elevated cholesterol being at the heart of my problems then yay but as far as I know there isn’t.

Key thing is that after I’m thinking about starving myself to achieve a drop in fat bastardness, I get that call. Yes, I may be reading into it a bit too much but still. Odd.

Next bit? I’m in the kitchen deciding to have some noodles (sub 500 kcal so viable) and my mum asks me if I know how to make porridge. So I describe what I know about it, we have a little discussion about it and that’s the end of the matter. At least it would’ve been but I had to ask “Was there a reason for asking me that?” to which she said “Oh it’s just there’s always oats about and it makes a good warm breakfast, or whenever.”.

What the fuck?

Ok, we’re all aware that I’m weird but that conversation was a bit out there for even me. Disjointed, nonsensical, just plain odd. I wondered why on earth it was a subject. Hey ho.

Problem with eating a little something is that the mind suddenly overcompensates and you eat more than you intended. So after about eight hours of not eating followed by eating more than I wanted to. Looks like I’m destined to be a fat bastard for a bit longer then.

I dunno, get all these flying thoughts and connections made and… I dunno, just hard to stop making stupid connections and being able to understand it is getting a little bit messed up. Hell, even typing this gets a little complicated with typos being down to moving quite fast with a difficult keyboard to speed type on.

Bollocks, I’m losing the point if there was a point to begin with. Perhaps this is the only way for me to track where the hell my moods are going with any reliable certainty, which would lend it a degree of validity rather than being a waste of time, both yours and mine.

It’s probably more likely to be just ramblings and I’m likely to have forgotten things I was thinking of writing but never really got round to talking about, or just plain forgot about. Which is irritating for me as I’ll remember them like some deja vu at some point.

Never mind eh, it’s a life of some form in theory. Which is probably where I should stop before things get even ,ore random.




6 responses

4 02 2012
Jane Core

Bloods for physical problems are taken quite often in psych patients. Some meds can affect your body so it’s not unusual for them to be checked. And to cheer you up, porridge is a great food if you have high cholesterol. Can help a bit lowering it. Maybe you won’t need drugs. Don’t go mad. Just breakfast, not 3 meals. But do get checked again.

4 02 2012

The problem here is that I’m not on any meds and I’m not complaining of any physical issues

4 02 2012
Jane Core

Why were they taking bloods in the first place?

4 02 2012

Not sure, the cmht ordered it, have to contact them as to why (amongst other things) so that’ll be fun on Monday… Assuming I remember

4 02 2012
Jane Core

If askyou say, have put some quetiapine weight on, it’s not unreasonable to check. Personally I’d have asked for a fasting blood sugar & various other general tests too. Never mind, if they’re happy to wait & it was a mon fasting result I wouldn’t worry toomuch, but definitely talk to your CPN about it. Xxx

4 02 2012

True, I was on quetiapine, but actually I’m now below my pre Q weight and I can’t tell my CPN as I’ve never been assigned one

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