Location Fucking Location

12 02 2012

I think I’m having one of those moments, you know, the kind that makes you question basically everything. Why? Possibly boredom, possibly need distraction. Whatever it is, it’s here so I get to blog to get it out of my head. Yay.

*sigh* It’s a little difficult to express things so what I’m probably best off doing is writing what I’m thinking and then you never, it might make some sense at some point.

The world’s a fucked up place, this is something we’re all painfully aware of I think. With all the things that keep happening, I keep thinking that my previous assertion that I would probably be better off homeless still lingers on. No, I’m not making great strides in that direction but I am looking into a few things in order to make this, or my whole digital nomad bit, a reality. I really don’t feel at home here, I can’t think where I feel at home really. Where I currently am, as in the general location, is home I guess, but my exact location certainly isn’t. The strange thing about that is that I’ve probably spent more years in my current location than I have anywhere else.

Suppose the reason I call the general area home is because it’s familiar. When all else fails, you go back to what’s familiar. Beyond that, there’s a lot of memories tied up here and not a huge amount of them are good ones. I’m not suggesting that there haven’t been good things happen during my residence here, far from it, I’m saying that I either can’t or won’t remember the good times as much as the bad. Little bizarre on reflection but then you could never accuse me of being normal.

I dunno, it’s like I said before about the whole jigsaw thing where I have pieces but I have no edges and no picture on the box. Hell, I’m not entirely sure I don’t just have some random bits and none of this will fit together without me ramming a few bits together and going from there. So I end up sat here staring blankly at what I believe is there. Not willing things to move, more willing my mind to see the missing piece that would allow me to progress somewhat. But it struggles to see anything beyond what I believe is there. Which sucks.

Ho hum, I’m aware that I’m babbling a bit even though I’m using short paragraphs. And I’m levering in descriptive prose which, at least from my perspective, is clumsy and goes like a firework. A short burst of light and noise that leaves you with a an after image in the retina and a distinct feeling of “Yeah, very nice, but so what?”. In theory it’s giving an accurate representation of what’s happening in my head right now.

How’s it looking? Bright bursts and then confusion? That’d be accurate, otherwise I have no idea where you’re going with it. Fortunately, should this be the case, then I’m with you as I have no fucking clue where it’s going.

Dear god I need some direction in my life.

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