Just Some Random Words

10 08 2012

I’ve turned to blogging because I’m crashing a little and need to vent a bit and writing about it is cathartic.

As I wrote in a tweet, my delusions of importance are what keep me alive, that collapsing isn’t fun for me. What does this mean? Every now and then I just sit there and think “This is all just completely pointless. All my scribblings, all my thoughts, everything I pride myself in. Pointless.” and I want to shut down. It’s hard to find a reason not to do so.

I’m not going to erase all the stuff on my whiteboards (I have whiteboards to organise my life on) because if I do fully crash then it all becomes irrelevant, and if I don’t crash or I recover then I’ll be pissed that I erased stuff I wrote down.

Get the feeling I’ve done that before?

I know why I go through this whole erasure thing, it’s because it can be painful looking at them, I don’t know why but that’s how it is. Dunno what else to say to be honest, still got the anxiety in my chest and I can’t think in detail about it. As cathartic actions go, this one sucks. Maybe I should jusst go sleep, or at least attempt to do so.

Gnite

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