Ramblings Of A Dull Mind

31 08 2012

Hi, how are you? Doing alright? Yeah, I know I’m writing this like a conversation but it’s a bit one sided. If you wanna say something then please do and I’ll try my best to engage.

Anyway, thought I’d give you a little update about how things are with me.

So… how am I? Not sure I can tell. I’m drinking more. It’s been daily for the past 5 or 6 days and I’ve gone from drinking virtually nothing to hitting between 4 and 10 units a day. Yeah, I know there’ll be people thinking “Damn, that’s not much” and you’d be right, I’m not worried about becoming an alcoholic but then some perspective may help out.

1 – I’m a lightweight. Never have been able to down huge amounts of alcohol (as long as you don’t include self destructive binges where I drink the same amount as I have the past week, in about 3 hours).
2 – I don’t drink a lot in the first place, if I averaged 1 unit a week over the past 3 months then I’d be surprised.

So with those points noted, it’s an increase of 400-1000%… hang on… no, my math is wrong, it’s an increase of at least 2800% over normal.

Sound more significant now?

Moving on. Umm, I’m wondering about quiting this blog because I don’t really use it that regularly anymore, I’m kinda not into the whole mentalist scene at the moment for some reason, and not many people read it.

Ok, I’ve never really done this for the adoration of others, it’s been more of a venting tool and I’ve appreciated the feedback n support I’ve had in return. No idea why I can’t quite get into the mentalist scene anymore, maybe I’m a bit burned out, maybe the scene has moved on from where it interests me, maybe I’m just still too lost in myself to try working for my own (and others) mental health betterment.

In general, I seem to be bouncing between ok and not that good. A lot of my time is spent on my own, and I’m avoiding talking if I can help it. My emotions have gone from being relatively minor influences on my life to… well, put it this way, I don’t cry, but I get damn close quite often, usually for no real reason.

Any wonder I’m drinking more? I dunno. Oh and either the keyboard on my phone is getting a little too worn or I’m starting to get a little problem with my thumbs. As in they keep doing random double presses without me trying. Fun huh.

Ah bollocks to it for now, I’m going to sleep (another thing that’s got a touch strange too). See you soon I guess.

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5 responses

31 08 2012
Flabbergasted Mom

Sometimes it’s just easy or comforting to reach for some alcohol or it can be like the adult version of giving someone else the finger. Sure we may know damn well it’s not good or advisable for us to drink but why should we have to listen to that? Why can’t we make our own choices?

I just read this post so I can’t promise to be totally insightful and if I am way off base, sorry about that.

Moods rise and ebb like waves and so to shall our behaviours which may or may not include imbibing alcohol or participating blogging.

I think by how you wrote your post you are worried about your drinking so I am going to suggest that you try to slow down.

31 08 2012
NullFuture

Thanks for your input. I’m not worried about my drinking, per se, I was more trying to show that whilst I’m not drinking a lot in the general scheme of things, proportionally it’s high.

What do I think to my drinking? I don’t think in itself it’s a problem, it’s more what it signifies and I’m not totally sure what that is. Ah well, we’ll see where it goes, if the quantities increase or it continues a lot longer, or my taste in alcohol degrades (I don’t drink cheap booze), then I’ll revisit it. For now I’m stuck with something possibly meaning something. I know, I know, it’s very convoluted but it’s the best I can do for now.

1 09 2012
Flabbergasted Mom

When we are behaving in an uncharacteristic manner when compared to our own “normal” behaviour it always does mean something. But sometimes it can be hard to interpret. I’ve been a “steady” drinker since i was young with time periods of being a “heavy” one and then self-imposed months and months of being a non-drinker to ensure I was in control of it all, if you know what i mean and now because of my meds I am supposed to be a non-drinker forever.
Often drinking is said to be a way of self-medicating. For me i tend to look at it as to how it effects a person. For me, and if you asked my close friends and spouse, they would tell you that when I drink I am far more outgoing, friendly, and I’m not worried or paranoid and I seem the most relaxed that they have ever seen me. And THAT is why I like to drink because nothing else makes me feel that way.
So how do you feel when you drink? And does how you feel while you are drinking correlate to how others perceive how you feel and act when you drink?

5 09 2012
NullFuture

I think you’re about right about self medicating as I suspect it’s either being used as a sedative (alcohol normally makes me sleepy), or to help me stop thinking too much.

As an aside, unless I’m drinking to destruction, it’s not easy for people to tell when I’m drunk so drawing a parallel between what I feel and how people see me isn’t easy

6 12 2012
So Down All the time

I feel pointless, im 18, i have no job, no girlfriend, no money, no life, I feel like crap everyday. thers only one way out

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