Keeping Track

13 11 2012

So… I… I dunno where to start. I guess it began about 15 minutes ago with the realisation that something wasn’t quite right. Nothing terribly abstract per se, more the brain twigging to an accumulation of things, things that on there own aren’t unusual (at least for me), but altogether… yeah.

When you look at the things I’ve been getting up to, the… planning, the ideas, the slightly exaggerated thinking about everything, even small inconsequentials, it’s coming up as ‘Wrong’.

I always find it difficult to quantify things like this but if you know this stuff then you may know what I mean. On their own, all these things could mean nothing, but there’s a pattern there which ties everything together. This isn’t a case of looking for patterns, more an ‘Ohhhh, that would explain a lot’.

*sigh* I guess a significantly more in depth mood tracking app with diary function would help to alert me (maybe something to add into my plans), although it’d still take me a while to twig.

Anyway, what does it all mean? Where is it pointing to? How do I define the ‘Wrong’ness? In theory, it means my mood is heading upwards, of that there is very little doubt. Where doubt creeps in is figuring out why it’s going up. Is my mood disorder shunting things that way? Or is this a reaction to stimulus which would be down to my personality disorder? Probably where that extensive mood app would help out… or probably not as I’m crap at filling out diaries.

Guess I’m blogging about this because when all is said and done, it gets the thoughts out of my head and also provides a point of reference should I decide to pay attention. For now though, it’s about introducing minor techniques to help me fend off the things I can, like excessive spending (self imposed waiting period before making big purchases, and I have quite a few of them lined up). Can’t really do anything about my personality quirks as they happen before I can stop them, just have to cover my ass somehow.

Oh the joys of being not quite normal/mental/bat shit crazy (delete as applicable).

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