The Christmas Hermit

25 12 2012

You know, “Act in haste, repent at leisure” was a phrase probably coined for people like us. Yes, it’s a generalization but chances are that you have an official diagnosis so you know what I mean.

Anyway, I know it’s not just me who ‘acts in haste’ but the whole ‘repent at leisure’, does it have to be insistent, occur at random times, and make me feel so shitty? On top of that, why is it so damn hard to rectify situations, especially with people? You sit there (or at least I do) and think of what to say/do, it appears perfect but it remains unsaid/undone because you sit there agonizing over whether or not it’s the right thing until it’s too late n then you scold yourself for not saying/doing it.

Life is a lot more simple than that, it’s only me making it more complicated… but I can’t seem to stop myself. Overthinking is not as much fun as it seemed in the brochure, you think I can get a refund? Nah, me neither. Bastards.

Course I have noticed that this blog has seemingly become heavy on the issues n light on any attempt at an answer. So… answers? I guess it all comes down to anxiety, it matters to me so I get anxious and from that point on I seem to freeze up on doing something about it whilst my brain freewheels off a cliff.

Guess the only thing I can do is accept the decisions I’ve made and hopefully come to terms with them. At least this will have to do until I figure out a way of overcoming the anxiety and be able to change my mind without feeling like a huge douche.

If you’re wondering where this post stems from, it’s down to this being the season to be sociable but I struggle with that. As such I shut myself away with some alcohol and decline any n all invites, no matter who they’re from. Hell, even Christmas dinner with the family is a no go for me. Just can’t do it. Doesn’t feel good as I feel like I’m shunning my friends etc but I can’t face trying to fake happy n caring at a time when I’m not. I know it’s my own fault but as ever I can’t see the wood for the trees and so struggle with getting to the answer.

*sigh* Whatever. Hope shit goes down without too much splatter for you this season (it’s the best greeting I can come up with at the moment) n hope to see you on the other side. Much love from the Christmas Hermit




One response

25 12 2012

Autospell seems to think my name is Hermes, so I’d better find a significant message. Sadly I can’t offer anything that isn’t really a statement that a half-pissed benevolent fake Santa might come up with. But I’m thinking about you. I’m hiding from family too, which is bad, but comforting. Whilst alone, you are not alone.
Ho ho frigging ho.

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