Anxious Thought

5 02 2013

As regular readers will be aware, I’m having quite a bit of anxiety at the moment. Most of the time, I have no clue where it’s come from or what’s triggered it. But sometimes I do.

I’ve always been a bit weird, even as a child, and as I got older I noticed when I was high because of the things I’d say and the speed/intensity with which I’d be talking. Got so much crap for that for many years n I’m sure that’s part of why I struggle socially.

My anxiety tends to stem from my feeling of total inadequacy. Can’t tell you how nervous I get when I’m going into social situations because I know they’re going to see I’m a weirdo and it’s going to cause issues.

This can still cause issues with people I know because I’ll say something and it’ll be the wrong thing (a flaw of mine is knowing what I want to say but actually saying it wrong). From then on it’ll eat away at me and kick my anxiety into high gear. It’s only recently I’ve been able to excuse myself from the situation before I continue to say dumb things, or even been able to talk to someone about what I said etc.

It helps to do that but I still hate myself for being stupid (my own opinion of myself) enough to say stuff, or bottle up my feelings.

Gonna have to stop because it’s not coming out right. I’ll try again when my head gets straight.

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One response

5 02 2013
jermec

Keep going Null. It makes sense to me so far.

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