Thinking On Shaky Ground

17 03 2013

Am I going down? I feel low, but I haven’t just been burning the candle at both ends, I’ve been taking a flame thrower to the whole thing. So is it that?

I’ve been out every night for the past four nights and each night has been late with an early start the following day. All except for last night where despite smoking (yes, I know I shouldn’t but a nicotine buzz is the next best thing to getting drunk for me) I just wasn’t feeling the same as my friends and so I left them to it. Me being me, when I say left, they went into a shop and I walked away quickly. Refused to respond to their calls and texts once they’d noticed I’d gone until I was home n even then it was basic texts only.

I had, in fact, gone mute. This is rarely a good sign as it means I’m dealing with some fairly high levels of stress. Some of the thoughts I had (and am likely to continue having) were… of a nature that makes me think I’m either down or headed that way.

But am I down or is this the result of me pushing myself too hard? Sleep has been pretty bad regardless of whether I’ve been out or not. My behaviour at times concerns me because either I’m not paying attention or I’m not caring anymore.

Just one night of unbroken sleep would be nice. Maybe that would help to settle me down.

Maybe I’m emotionally confused. Now THAT is an epic bag of trouble. Unfortunately it’s something I can’t blog about at this time because I want to talk to at least one person before that would be possible. A matter of courtesy I think.

So, in summary, I’m still pretty messed up and I’m not certain where I stand. This instability lark is nowhere near as fun as the tv ads made it out to be.

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2 responses

17 03 2013
Anonymous

(((hugs))) Instability is Fucking Crap!! I hate it with a passion. Hopefully you can try and rest physically today before going back to work tomorrow and that may help (a little)….one can hope…..maybe a bath n milky drink 😉

I know the mute feeling well as well….I sort of have my mouth clenched tightly shut even when on my own…..if that makes sense! Try n keep blogging maybe getting your thoughts out might help clear things a bit for you

Take Care xxx

17 03 2013
Lottie

(((hugs))) Instability is Fucking Crap!! I hate it with a passion. Hopefully you can try and rest physically today before going back to work tomorrow and that may help (a little)….one can hope…..maybe a bath n milky drink

I know the mute feeling well as well….I sort of have my mouth clenched tightly shut even when on my own…..if that makes sense! Try n keep blogging maybe getting your thoughts out might help clear things a bit for you

Take Care xxx

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