Abnormal Normal

22 03 2013

What’s normal? Something I’ve asked myself many a time. According to societal norms, it involves being social and engaging with people, having a job, ideas of a better life. And you know what? In that way I’ve been normal which scares the bejeebers out of me.

Why be scared of being normal? Because that normal isn’t normal for me. I’m not terribly sociable because I have a form of social anxiety. The job is… not such a big deal as I’m used to being full on out of my head whilst employed, it’s not easy by a long long way but… I dunno, it might work.

Dreams of a better life? Yeah, now they’re the worst bit because I’m too used to things going wrong when I do. Scary? To me, very. Never sure of myself, or much else tbh, so… I don’t want to be hurt again by me screwing up once more. My thick skin has been worn away, anxiety rules my entire self. I… I don’t know what else to say. I….. have no words… I have… I don’t know… can’t even ask for help as… I… it…. *shrugs* I don’t know.

K, this has messed with my head so calling time on it. Gnite

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