Out Of An Alternative Closet

10 05 2013

This is shaping up to be one of the strangest posts I’ve done so far, at least that I’ve been consciously aware of. It’s possible that what I say in this post may freak you the fuck out so bear that in mind.

Hmm, I don’t know how to put this.

There were always going to be sides of me that didn’t make it onto here for one reason or another. However, I don’t think that’s a tenable position now because I don’t hide my mental from anyone. Why don’t I hide it? Because it’s part of me, it’s etched onto my soul, it may make life easier if I were to hide it but I’ve done that before (with something else) and it made things very much worse in the long run.

So it’s time to come out, as it were, and reveal a side of me that is as much part of me as my mental side.

Ever read 50 Shades of Grey? I read less than one page before the text and mishandling of the subject matter made me give up and say “Dafuq did I just read?!?”.

Notice that I say ‘mishandling of the subject matter’. Did the topic weird me out? No, I just knew from experience that what little I had read was not an accurate representation. You see, I am, and have been for many years, a Dominant (Dom for short).

Feel free to freak out now should you wish. As for reading further, that’s your choice, I’m not going into details, but should that declaration colour your thinking of me then maybe it’s best if you didn’t go any further.

Still here? Ok.

Why so defensive about it? Hate being judged for being me, be it for being a Dom or for being a mental. Had so much of it through my life so I refuse to stand for it anymore.

Anyway…

Being a Dom is something that is part of me, I’ve lived without it for a few years but that almost killed me, so I won’t make that mistake again. Is it tied in with my mental health issues? Yes and no. Both are part of me so it’s hard to imagine there isn’t some mixing going on. However, I’m not a Dom because I’m a mental, and I’m not a mental because I’m a Dom. They are, to borrow from the diagnostic areas, comorbid. Probably not the best term to use but you get the idea.

So, there it is, out in the open…. bugger.

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2 responses

10 05 2013
jermec

Hi Null. Interesting stuff. You’re brave. Not easy, but sometimes sharing that interesting stuff can take the weight off a little, even be cathartic. Admitting in public that you looked at 50 Shades of Grey takes balls. I’m proud of you.
The other stuff? Pshaw. Just stay safe, you and your subs. But you don’t need me to tell you that.

10 05 2013
Karen

You’re way too hard on yourself. Just because some knob like Christian Grey is a Dom does not mean Doms are bad peoples. Just because it’s not societally ‘normal’ (what the fuck even is that?!) doesn’t make it bad. As long as it’s consensual, there’s nothing wrong with a D/s lifestyle. Fair play to you! 🙂

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