Questionable Stability

4 06 2013

It just occurred to me that no one has asked me if I’m stable for a while. Wonder if that’s because they already knew the answer, or I was doing a good job of hiding the truth. Course it could be that not many people think in those terms, but hey, such is life.

So, am I stable? Ummm…. let’s be honest, the obvious answer is “No, not in the slightest”, which is a bit of a bummer as I thought I was doing ok.

There’s not much of a surprise as I lie here tapping away at the screen, pouring words into the ether as I pour champagne (Veuve Cliquot naturally) into my mouth from the bottle (not doing it to sound cool, but because I can’t be arsed to get a glass). So… why didn’t I see it?

*sigh* I wonder if this was yet another case of not being able to see the woods for the trees. Thing is, and try to keep this between you and me, I was kind of, sorta… enjoying myself. This is a rarity when it comes to me being high etc because I much prefer the lows (less self loathing). Yes, I’ve been drinking and smoking more than usual, but my brain has been electric. Yes, that feeling happens every now and then, but this time I wasn’t wrapped up in the accompanying negativity as I severely doubt what’s going to happen etc.

*sigh* I don’t… know…. what to say or do. I… I’ve made what could be generously described as errors of judgement. I… don’t know where to go from here. My last post was about becoming more reclusive, which I have done. I know I’m more controlled in certain aspects (I actually have money instead of a load of useless things and a large pile of debt, a very big turn around), but I still struggle in other aspects which is difficult for me to accept.

Shit. I don’t know where I’m going with this.

To change subject totally, should you need some epic driving/summer/party music then I can wholeheartedly recommend the new album from Armin van Buuren, Intense. Having already showed you This Is What It Feels Like, I’ll give you another track to encourage you, even if it’s only a preview.

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