Winning/Failing

17 11 2013

I have a job, it pays a very reasonable wage. I’ve got a car that’s quick yet frugal. I’ve just moved into a nice place in a good neighbourhood. Let’s face it, my life is pretty good right now… except

I’m laying here on what can be called a bed, tears in my eyes, feeling like death would be so much better than life. I’m not suicidal btw, just tired of living.

Part of this is probably down to feeling chronically alone. Just… empty right now. Weird thing is that there’s not a shortage of ladies who would quite like to see me, with more than one wanting to get more serious with me. Back to my life being pretty good right now aren’t we. Yet the kicker is that I don’t love these women, we have fun, I enjoy that, but I’ve been down the road of being in a relationship where hardcore love wasn’t part of it… ever, and it’s not a place I want to go again. I’ve loved, but never passionately.

I dunno, it’s a messed up feeling.

To be honest, I’m crashing big time and it’s that messed up time of tailspinning with no idea where this ride is taking me. Ahh shit… I dunno… my brain is fried. I… I…. fuck it

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