Social (not) Nicities

3 09 2014

*sigh* OK, it’s clear that I’m on that slippery slope into one of my lows. One of the key features of this time is that I tend to isolate myself, so I decided to try to head this off by getting into social situations. Not entirely sure why I thought this was a good idea but hell, if you’ve tried things one way and it doesn’t work, may as well try it another.

The result? Umm… OK, I’ve been trying, been to a few social gatherings and…. *sigh* I’m crashing after each and every time. Twitching comes in and goes very intense, alcohol is definitely required.

How is it during? Well, if I’m engaged in conversation I can generally hold out for ten minutes, after which I make my excuses and get some alone/quiet time.

The point of this post? Well, it’s twofold. Firstly, it’s kind of a shout out to see if anyone can figure out the answer to the puzzle of what’s new on in my brain. Secondly, it’s me venting because I don’t want this in my head and, sad as it is, I have no one but this blog to confide in.

Fuck, just reread that and… it’s not good is it. Don’t know what else to say……….. shit, can’t think…… oh, there is one thing. I’m having a party at mine this weekend…… should be interesting how I’m going to cope



One response

3 09 2014

I quit drinking 5 years ago and since then do not get invited to many social gatherings. Also when people found out I was diagnosed Bipolar around the same time it made things more awkward for them not me. I have never been an outgoing person unless I was drinking. My twin sister has called me “Tony Soprano” on several occasions because my sympathy and empathy level is more for animals than most humans. She thinks it’s funny. I have had the same best friend for 27 years but again since I stopped drinking I am not invited to cookouts or anything else. It tears me apart inside to know this. I am isolated all the time now except for my dad. I live with him and he is preparing to go on dialysis soon, he is 71. I lost my mom 6 years ago and took care of her without the help of my siblings. Doing this again has sent me into a downward spiral. I have exhausted all med combinations and have tried ECT. The doctor says my only options are to ride it out, have more ECT (once was enough thank you), and that s pretty much it. I wonder why I stay sober sometimes then I remember all the pain I caused. There is no easy answer and even the doctors no nothing about how the brain truly works. Good luck.

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