Me Vs The World

‘It’s gone four in the morning and I’m currently whiling away my time being watched over by staff thanks to having been sectioned as too high a risk to myself. And my pen ran out so I’ve had to swap.

Anyway, I have the feeling that, despite my section, I’m a bit of a curiosity to the staff as I’m quie articulate at the moment, I don’t think they’re used to someone who can describe exactly how it is. Maybe anyway.

Whilst I may investigate that, I’m curious as to the speed at which my medications works. I’m trying to rule out, or not as the case may be, the factor of missing a dose had on my mood. The reason I’m calling this into question is that I received the dose much later and now I feel fine with no sign of my depression. Of course I can’t rule out the factor of base emotions being forced into play when I wasn’t allowed to leave and then the 72hr section being introduced.

It could get interesting for the next few days as I feel being sectioned may force my hand, I guess it depends on what restrictions are put in place and how long it goes on for. The more restrictive, the more I’m going to fight it as I didn’ want to be sectioned in the first place.

I suppose I now know how badly that afternoon affected me. Can’t say with any real conviction that it’s destroyed my life, but it’s certainly set me back a whole lot more than I expected. All of which is depressing in itself as the full realisation hits me hard like a hammer blow and I’m finding it difficult to hold the bad thoughts at bay.

It’s never good for me to dwell on things like this but now I’ve thought of it I can’t help it.

Horseshit.

Well at least I’m back to swearing, kinda hoped I could stop but it’s not looking good.

Right now, and for the past six hours or so, I keep coming back to the thought that I don’t want to be here on this ward. I just want to go home, sleep, and then sort out my life from there. There’s a determination now, that’s what I’m aiming for and the sooner the better. Since certain people left and certain people arrived on my previous ward, I just don’t feel the same about being here. And of couse there’s my move to my current ward which I’ll admit hasn’t been a great deal of fun in any sense of the word. All in all I believe it’s why I wanted to leave which ended up in a section being enforced which I am not happy with but haven’t a chance against.

Horse shit and more horse shit. Maybe I need to sleep before I get any more depressed.

How Time Is Spent
Previous: My Crisis Part 2

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